I feel better. I really do. I don’t think about you every minute anymore. Just every 20 min or so. Anytime I’m alone I think about you. I’m not okay. I told you I could be friends with you, idk why. I guess I am just tired of pretending that I hate you and don’t want to talk to you. I do. I want to talk to you everyday and I want you to call me baby again, and I want to kiss you and wake up knowing I’m going to talk to you all day. I want to see your face on snap chat like I used to everyday. I want you to miss me. But I know that the only thing you think about when you think of me is how you hurt me and how you are sorry. What do I think about when I think of you? Not that you hurt me. I think about you not wanting me. I think about how much I want you still. It’s really pathetic. You are in love and in a relationship with somebody that you see everyday and spend so much time with, and now you have way more memories with her then you will ever have with me. Idk I guess I just wish I knew what I could have done differently. To make you stay. What I could have done to make you love me. I didn’t think I loved you. But the moment you left, I felt empty, and all I wanted was for you to come back. I know it’s too late now, and that I will never call you mine again, but I still hope. I still day dream about it. That you will text me and tell me that it was a mistake. That us not staying together was wrong and that you love me and not her. But you don’t. And so I will continue to try and heal everyday and everytime I see your name pop up on anything, my heart will drop, thinking that it’s that text that I daydream about. But I’ll be okay. Watching somebody you love, walk further and further away from you, hand in hand with another girl..is definately not easy. It’s like a knife to my heart every time. But I will get through it. I will be okay.
I crave you more and more each day, and as I slowly feel you slipping away and forgetting me as I go to sleep at night, I feel an almost unbearable pain in my chest. Tears streaming down my face I lie to myself, and say that you miss me. That you won’t be able to be happy with somebody else so quickly. But deep down, I know I have lost you. And as you might be okay with that fact, I am not. During the day it’s bad enough, with little bursts of a pain in my chest every time my phone gets a text and it’s not you. But at night, all I am left with as I try to fall asleep and hold back my tears are the thoughts of you forgetting me. Even though you are all that I think about all day long. Thanks for letting me fall so hard, then leaving me here like this.
My heart aches a lot tonight. I am not crying myself to sleep which is nice. I miss you so much. I miss us. Why don’t you? :/ I wonder if you still think about me all the time. If you want to text me and just stop yourself. That is what I want to believe and what I hope for deep down. But I doubt that’s the case. I bet you are with that other girl right now probably cuddling with her and saying sweet things to her like you always did with me. Now I sit alone in my bed, and I wish you would want me again. But you don’t. And it’s killing me. The pain in my chest right now feels so heavy and so..just sad. :( I miss you.
I don’t even know what to think. I know there isn’t anything left for us. You don’t want to be with me, that is clear. But I am so heartbroken even after 2 months and I don’t know what to do to stop it. I have tried talking to other guys. I even went on a date! The entire time all I could think about was you. And it is ridiculous. I am making myself look so pathetic like a love sick puppy dog and I hate it. But I just can’t stop thinking about how every day I think about you non stop and everyday you forget about me and us more and more until soon you will be able to look at me and feel nothing. I know it’s going to happen and just that thought alone breaks my heart. Especially because I can’t do it. I can’t let go of that invisible hope that your gunna text me one day and just say everything is going to be normal again. I’m so exhausted from crying every night and just being sad. When will this end. I hope soon darling. Because i am going insane.